Sit down me hearties, pull up a chair by the fire and I’ll tell you a tale about Captain Black Jack and his crew of desperados back in the 50’s, the 1750’s you understand.
Captain Black Jack and his two closest confederates Mary Cut-throat Brazier and William Plunkett were in the Tap Room of the Dog and Weasel drinking and thinking. They were deciding if the information they had gleaned was worth their lives. They’d done too much drinking and not enough thinking but even so the consensus was that - “No it wasn’t”. However if they could get a few gullible locals to go along as cannon fodder, then maybe they could alter the odds sufficiently to make it worth the risk.
You may be wondering what I’m blathering on about…..King John’s Treasure is what I’m blathering on about, the kings crown jewels and royal treasury no less.
Everyone knows that this was lost somewhere in the Wash in 1216.
No you fool - not Mrs Perkins the Washer Woman’s wash, I’m talking about the area around the Fens known as the Wash. It’s an area of dark tales and dread superstition, peopled by folk with two heads, webbed fingers and toes but there are other creatures there, much worse creatures.
Creatures from the dark pits of Hades…. (well that’s what I heard on YouTube, so it must be right!)
After a few more drinks and a bit more think Black Jack’s crew have managed to collect a few of the local ruffians together, After plying them with more of the former and less of the latter they set off for Dead Piddling in the Water.
The local ruffians were Honesty Jones, Vanity Dobbs and Sally Salisbury and are so full of the Squire’s best stout “Staggering Man” that they are as full of bravado as beer, the other local village, Much Piddling in the Marsh was uppermost in their minds. You'll have to decide why.
Dead Piddling used to be a lively place but about 12 years ago the inhabitants started to move out, well those who could move, moved. The others are in the graveyard around the old Church. No one is really sure why they moved, the live ones won’t talk, and the dead ones can’t but Jack had heard the rumour and taken heed of it.
The sun was setting as they arrived on the outskirts of the village. Jack decided he must split his forces if they were to search the village before morning, a time when other interested parties might wonder what they were up to.
Plunkett and the ruffian Vanity went right, to search the broken down house in that direction and the rest continued into the heart of the village.
The sun set just as Plunkett arrived at the door, without a thought he pushed it open and entered the hovel. He never heard the sound of wings flapping as he started to search for the treasure.
OK enough of the moody pictures, just imagine it's dark.
Neither did Vanity Dobbs, as she prepared to follow Plunkett into the building the Iki-Iki swooped down and attacked without warning.
She is taken completely by surprise and falls to the ground, the Iki-Iki feels the blood lust and kneels to drink. Plunkett alerted, turns and sees the dark form stooped over Vanity’s crumpled body, without thought he fires the pistol in his right hand and then the pistol in his left hand. He misses with both shots and realises he only has one re-load left!
Damn and blast but he draws his trusty cutlass and prepares to fight for his life. The Iki-Iki is a cowardly creature though, and it flies off, secure in the knowledge that the fresh corpse will still be there when it returns, the blood may flow a little sluggishly but flow it will.
William Plunkett is not the sharpest knife in the drawer, he picks up Vanity’s 2 loaded pistols and sticks them into his belt but he doesn’t think to search Vanity’s body for extra powder and shot. Leaving this behind and ignoring the threat of the Iki-Iki he sets off to search the next building.
Yes, he is brave as well as stupid, a bad combination.
The shot must have awakened the dead because two zombies appear above the wall surrounding the Church. They peer aggressively into the gloom of the night but don’t advance closer to Cptn Jack. (I wonder if this is why the villagers left?)
Jack shouts - give them fire lads and his crew respond in their own individual way. Sally fires wildly but in spite of this, her rushed shot hits the target. The more experienced crew take a steady shot at the rather scary creatures. Jack himself is a hopeless marksman and consequently he misses but Honesty Jones the other local ruffian fires and hits her target. Unfortunately both she and Sally shoot at the same Zombie. It is hit it in the gut and left leg, unfortunately it's legs are protected by the stone wall and sparks fly from that strike.
Well they would have, if it hadn’t been a soft lead ball but you get the gist.
The gut shot drops the dead zombie with a severe wound? Honesty ruminates on the fact that she’s just fired her one and only ball. The reason she is on this adventure is because she’s so poor she can’t afford her next meal, let alone powder and shot; that was her first and last shot.
She draws her cutlass and prepares to sell her life dearly. Maybe she will be able to buy more powder if she does sell it dearly, but then again what use will that be…it’s a bit of a circular argument really!!
This new round of shooting has disturbed some spiders in the corn field. Normally that wouldn’t be an issue but these spiders are the size of small dogs and they start to move towards Black Jack, of course he isn’t aware of them because they’re the other side of the thick hedge.
The spiders are in the cornfield moving left towards Jack. William Plunkett is in the bottom right of the picture and can see the spiders.
Jack and Sally fire on the Zombies, Jack misses again but Sally hits the other Zombie in it’s left arm, slightly stunning it but that’s better than Jack has done. Sally has 2 pistols and they’re both empty, Jack has 3 so one is still loaded.
Mary and Honesty have both fired their single pistols and so drop them and charge at the Zombies, drawing their cutlasses on the way.
Tooth and nail are no match for Sheffield steel and the cutlasses slice through the dead and they become dead......yet again. RIP.
Plunkett having seen the spiders makes the fateful decision to fire on them. He hits and kills one but this has the unfortunate result of drawing the rest toward him. Fortunately they don’t seem to move very fast.
Jack and Sally turn and peer through the hedge, they see the spiders, but decide it’s a good idea to reload their empty pistols before attracting unwanted attention. “Load as quick as you like” Jack says to Sally. Her reply is lost in the wind.
Mary and Honesty are unaware of the spiders but are congratulating themselves on their easy victory over the Zombies. They return to collect their dropped pistols, wiping the blood from their blades as they do so.
Plunkett looks on in horror when he realises that the spiders are going to activate before he will. They are close enough so that he doesn’t have time to shoot and draw his cutlass, so he just pulls the cold steel from it’s scabbard and prepares to fight.
The first spider to reach him gets the pointy end of his blade and it dies a writhing mass of legs and other body parts. The 2nd one is slashed across the head, it’s badly wounded but not dead.
Plunkett then activates first and in spite of being a brave thicko, he runs away, he easily outdistances them which is a bit of a relief.
Jack and Sally hiding behind the hedge have loaded oneipistol each and they take careful aim and fire. Jack of course misses but Sally wounds one spider. The remaining healthy one turns and skitters towards her and Jack.
Jack passes his last loaded pistol to Sally and urges her to kill the spider as it climbs over the hedge, she fires and misses!
It skuttles up and over the hedge, Merlin’s Beard, Jack shouts as he draws his cutlass and wielding his weapon like a seasoned fighter he attacks the spider, the spider attacks him. The spider comes off 2nd best and dies in the hedgerow.
The remaining injured spiders crawl off to their spidery den to lick their wounds or whatever spiders do, and are seen no more. Well not this night at least.
Honesty Jones enters a building and after a quick search there is a whoop of joy as she discovers the treasure they are searching for.
(Well that was easier than I expected. There are 13 locations that they need to search and I’m using the Spade suit of a deck of cards, when the Ace of Spades is turned up, that’s where the treasure is, this is only the 2nd card)
It’s all over; the pirates gather round the treasure chest and wonder how much their share will be. Jack of course knows that his will be much greater than the rest; he is the Captain after all. They are jubilant at this easy success although Vanity might not agree about that. The clouds clear and the moon shines down.
The full moon shines down!
Then there’s a fearful howling.
Rhazien is the Grand Daddy of werewolves, he’s huge and ferocious and hungry. He can’t see his food but he can smell it, his jaws start to drool, he’s hungry, very hungry, he howls again.
This must be the real reason the village is deserted…..well deserted by humans at least.
Rounding the corner of the decaying house he sees his prey and breaks into a run. Black Jack had already passed his last loaded pistol to Sally, recognising that she had a much better chance of a killing shot than he would. “Now lass, steady does it, make it count”. To be fair, she stood her ground and fired, there’s not many who would have done that, but she wanted to get her cutlass out of its scabbard before the beast was on top of her and she rushed the shot, which of course missed its target.
Plunkett should have done better, he had 2 loaded pistols and fired them, one after the other, both shots missed and he was grateful everyone else was between him and the werewolf because 2 empty pistols aren’t weapon enough to take on this monster.
Rhazien the Werewolf had the initiative and attacked the two at the front of the group, Honesty Jones in the green coat and Sally Salisbury in the blue blouse. They gave a good account of themselves both being better with a sword than a pistol. They inflicted some small cuts to the wolf, enough to make him step back, more in surprise than anything else.
The two girls follow up their advantage but it’s a precarious advantage and short lived as Honesty takes damage and they in turn are pushed back, both girls were still on their feet fighting and Mary “Cut-throat” Blazer has joined the fray.
It’s not enough and with a mighty blow from his razor sharp claws Rhazien fells Honesty. She was the best swordsman of the 3 so this is a bitter blow. Sally is pushed back again and the fight is slowly going Rhazien’s way.
Things change as Jack charges in on Rhazien’s left flank, the combat continues, but Jack is pretty handy with a sword (unlike the pistol) and the three of them deal more damage to the wolf and push it back again.
Rhazien should be wolf burger but he isn’t, as well against the odds he fights them to a standstill, both side draw back for a breather and consider their next move.
I roll some dice to see what the Werewolf will do. At this point he’s rolling about half as many dice as his opponents and if the fight continues the end is inevitable. I know he’s hungry but dead is dead.
Anyway after the dice are rolled, with a bellow of rage and frustration he bounds back into the fight, and takes a beating. More damage and he’s close to exhaustion, so I roll some more dice to see if he’ll run and he does the sensible thing.
However as he turns to run Jack and Sally both hit him in the back and he looses his remaining vitality and his life as he drops to the floor….dead.
There is a bit of an epilogue to the story:-
Leaving Honesty and Vanity behind….well they’re dead and if Jack hang’s around to bury them who knows what dread creatures will turn up. (Each turn I have a card draw that determines if something will turn up and another one to decide who or what it might be.)
You didn’t really think he would bury them though…..did you? Well really, that’s a bit naïve.
Anyway Jack and the others carry the chest back towards the Dog and Weasel, no of course they don’t take it into the pub, the place is full of thieves and vagabonds, it wouldn’t be safe, so they bury it and draw a map, marking the spot with a cross. It’s a treasure map after all.
Anyway, after a couple more flagons of Staggering Man stout, Jack lets slip that he’s heard a rumour about a Saxon Horde, reputedly it was a kings ransom, the others look interested, but this wanes a little as they press him for more information, “Why is it called a Saxon Horde” they ask and don’t like the answer….”because it’s guarded by a Horde of Saxons”. “They are dead Saxons though” he explains, slurring his speech a little from the effects of the stout, “what do you think, should we try and find it”?
