You would probably think the same if you were in Fort Huachuca prison block waiting to see your lawyer, although as we hadn’t been allowed a phone call yet we were not expecting to see one soon.
Perhaps I’d better explain from the beginning, or at least our beginning. We all lived and grew up in Arizona, near to the Yuma Proving Ground. A huge military establishment, the base occupied some 1,300 square miles and was home to numerous different branches of the military as well as some civil and law enforcement agencies. It was roughly 36 miles square and we knew it housed establishments that were every bit as secret as the famous Area 51. Most of the space was given over to the usual training and firing areas, accommodation blocks, communications centres, etc etc. Then three years ago there was rumoured to be a new establishment being set up. It was housed in an underground bunker built especially for them, they were known as the Arizona Research and Scientific Establishment. A.R.S.E. for short.
Eight Ball lived nearest to the Proving Ground with his Pa, Ebenezer, in a small gaggle of buildings in the desert, so small in fact that they had no name. It was just called Ebenezer’s Place. He was the envy of all the kids at school because he lived in a road side bar, which surprisingly was called “Ebenezer’s Bar” and Ebenezer had the best Pool table in Arizona. Eight Ball got to practice a lot.
There were only three buildings, or Businesses in Ebenezer’s Place.
Ebenezer’s Bar, which had existed for ever and survived because it was on the back road out of the Proving Ground. Jimmy Thompson owned the bar on the main road out of the Ground and he made a fortune but Ebenezer got by on the slower traffic out the back.
Dora Du Fran was the main reason there was a reliable flow of customers passing along the back road but the least said about her business model the better.
The small black Porsche sports car parked discreetly behind the Bath House might indicate who made the most money in Ebenezer’s Place but “what the IRS don’t know, the IRS don’t get” as Dora used to say.
The other business was Frank’s.
Frank sold guns, he repaired guns, he loved guns, it’s even rumoured he slept with a gun. Mind you in Arizona, most people slept with a gun, although maybe not in the same way as Frank.
Frank and Ebenezer didn’t get along. They hadn’t got along for some time, 50 years was the best guess, but I really don’t know the truth of the matter, I’m not that old and I don’t believe what old folk’s tell me.
They would stand outside their respective front doors and glare at each other, hatred, malice, and even a little animosity was conveyed in those silent glares. Some thought it was over a woman, some thought differently, neither Ebenezer nor Frank were ever in the mood to discuss it.
Anyway I don’t suppose you’re interested in Frank and Ebenezer but much more interested in A.R.S.E. and how that might have anything to do with my being in jail.
Well - gradually they expanded within the base, more buildings were erected within their compound but still no one knew what they were doing. Even Dora hadn’t picked up anything substantial, well not in the way of hard news at least. She knew they were there but that was it, the employees of A.R.S.E. were a tight lipped bunch.
As always rumours abounded, nuclear research, toxic gas, toxic virus, toxic this, toxic that, even searching for the cure to the common cold had a small following – well you name it and someone had thought of it. Nothing much changed until 3 weeks ago when all hell let loose.
The military moved out from the Base in a wave pushing everything and everybody in front of them. Ebenezer, Frank and Dora were given 15 minutes to pack up and leave. They had a lifetimes possessions to pack in 15 minutes. Dora was done in 5 but Frank and Ebenezer took a little longer.
Frank panicked, he drove his Range Rover into the rail fence and was lucky that Dora had room in her Porsche for him and a few of his favourite guns, she made him leave the rest in the car.
There was no explanation from the Military, just pack up and go.
Eight Ball was on his way back from town to Ebenezer’s Place when he met his Pa on the road out. “What do you mean” Eight Ball said, “You packed your collection of 1930’s cigarette cards but didn’t pack Alice”. “No” Ebenezer responded, “I forgot Alice, I’m sorry son”.
You might be wondering who Alice is and why Ebenezer would try and pack her anyway, Ok well maybe you’re not wondering but I’ll tell you anyway. Alice is Eight Balls pool cue and he was very attached to her. She was to prove our undoing and the reason we are currently residing in Fort Huachuca prison block awaiting our phone call.
Perhaps I should introduce you to the crew in happier circumstances.
This photograph was taken last year in front of Ebenezer’s Bar, Eight Ball is in the back row, just under the R in BAR. I say row but it’s more of a bunch, strangely we thought we’d call our gang the Wild Bunch but Ulrika pointed out that someone had already done that, and they were all dead now.
Fast Freddie back and left thought we should call ourselves the Middle Arizona Biker Devils but no one liked that suggestion at all. Fat Willie and Tank, the two squat thugs either side of Ulrika thought we should be the Yuma Chapter of the Hells Angels but they wouldn’t let us join the Hells Angels.
Finally it was Bubble (Blond hair back and left, almost out of sight) who suggested we be the Vagabonds. “Why the Vagabonds” asked Ulrika. “Well weren’t they like knights of old, who rode horses to rescue damsels in distress and we ride bikes, they’re like horses aren’t they” Bubble replied. We all looked at her in astonishment, well apart from Big Dave who fancied his chances. Bubble is not the sharpest knife in the drawer but the name stuck and we all agreed we should be the Vagabonds. Ride the back roads and rescue any damsels we got half a chance to rescue, even if they weren’t in distress. Angie, Ulrika, Desire and Babe didn’t like that idea but Bubble thought it was a great notion and so when Eight Ball brought up Alice, you remember Alice, we all agreed to rescue her.
