“That damn dogs still with us” exclaimed Sir Marmaduke, looking out of the rear window, “doesn’t he ever tire”.
“Stop the bus and let her in” cried Amelia. “I’ll not have dog hairs and muddy paw prints all over Esmeralda’s upholstery, it’s still in pristine condition, factory fresh don’t you know. It’s bad enough that we picked up that scruffy oik on the road side without having a dirty dog in here as well”.
I was that scruffy oik he was referring to and I suppose he had a point, I’d spent a few days on the road, trying to stay out of trouble but sometimes it just follows you around like a stray dog. I’d been quite happy sailing my 31’ yacht up and down the east coast until the day I pulled into Boston Creek just as it went dark and they came aboard. Three of them, wild eyed, arms flailing, screaming BRAINS, what the hell, they were dripping blood and other matter that I didn’t want to even think about let alone see on my scrubbed pine decks.
“Get the hell off here” I shouted, one tripped on the foresail sheet and fell overboard with a splash but the other two came at a stumbling walk along the side decks. One on either side, well it’s not a big boat they had to do that. I shoved one with the boat hook and his arm fell off. What the hell, so I hit him, a wild scything blow and the hook end of the boat hook stuck in his leg and I pulled. Damn me if his leg didn’t fall off. Strangely with only 1 leg and 1 arm he seemed out of balance and fell overboard. The first one had gone down with only a splash and hadn’t reappeared so I didn’t worry that this one would do any better. It’s not often you see a one armed, one legged person doing the crawl. Well not in the water at least, although I’ve since seen them doing it on land and a damn funny sight it is.
Well until you realise that if you don’t move they will grab you and then eat you….eventually.
The third one made a grab for me and I dodged but caught the hurricane lantern a glancing blow with the back end of the boat hook and smashed the glass cover, oil spilled onto the deck. Burning oil and that was it, Maybelle caught fire, it ran along the deck like a goblin and caught the sails that were still lightly furled. I went over the side like a fish and struck out for the shore, only a few yards away. The last figure burned like a pitch torch, screaming and howling before sliding down onto the deck. Maybelle was an inferno and I took to the road.
Three days later I had my thumb out, waving in the air and got a lift from these people in Esmeralda.
“Let the dog in Marmaduke” said Delores, “Amelia is right, she’s proved her worth these last few days, even pulled your cherries out of the fire on one occasion, I don’t see why”……..
And the sentence was never finished because Amelia who was driving, hit a pothole and there was a loud popping sound at the front right tyre blew.
“No spare I’m afraid” muttered Marmaduke “but this is Jack Snipes place and very coincidentally he refurbishes Esmeralda’s in his spare time. There’ll be tyres in the barn”.
“I wonder if he’s still about the place” and was just about to shout Hello Jack when Delores put her hand over his mouth. “Don’t be such an old fool, They might be here too”.
By ‘They’ she was referring to the creatures who had boarded my boat, bloodthirsty humanoids (a bit like Politicians or Bankers) who try to devour you alive and make you dead, sometimes you even come back after being devoured, alive but dead! Or is that dead but alive?
It’s a bit complex and I don’t fully understand the process but haven’t studied it seriously yet.
Sure enough there was a small group of Things that Amelia kept calling Zombies, I think she read a lot of pulp fiction when she was younger and has associated these things with fanciful creatures from her books. Thank goodness it wasn’t Fairy Tales she read rather than Pulp Fiction or we’d be fighting Giants, Gobblins and Trolls.
Anyway they appear to be attracted to humans, generally as I’ve said to devour them. Their eye sight seems to be pretty good, hearing not so good and their brains seem to have dissolved into some sort of jelly like mush, so they are as stupid as stupid gets.
There was a sweetcorn field behind the bus and we could hear muttering coming from this field as well but couldn’t see anything.
Sweetcorn is what Americans think of as maize although as you can see, I think of it as a fake Christmas tree cut into small pieces.
Because I’m rubbish with descriptions this is a drones eye view of the board. Our mission if we chose to accept it is to remove the spare tyre from the barn which inconveniently is in the top right. The house, garage and far side of the corn field have searchable points where we might find something useful or not. Also there is a small herd of 4 sheep in the top left, I moved them individually during the game but they might have been meant to move as a herd.
Zombies are on the table and the ones in the centre are by a Spawn Point, others will appear here as the game goes on.
This is my 4th go round with these game rules and scenarios but my first solo game. I was tutored in the fine art of Zombie R.V. (Recreational Vehicle) or Zombie M.H. (Motor Home) as is should correctly be called, by the Mad Lord Snapcase during his recent visit and so when you see some of the wild, extravagant manoeuvres carried out in this game, you can blame him for my tactical knowledge and skill. I’m carrying XP, weapons etc from the previous games forward into this one and because I either didn’t take photos or they were rubbish my story starts here even if it’s already started, If you understand.
Line of sight is interrupted by the base of an object so the rock covers a larger area than the lump of rock itself and no one can see through the, above head height corn, which is a boon of the greatest order as will become apparent.
We made our way across to the house, taking cover behind the van on route. I was a little slower than the others because in removing the wheel from the bus the jack had slipped and Marmaduke and I had received injuries, he had the medical kit and used it to recover from his injury but I wasn’t offered similar treatment.
Amelia who is a kind individual had taken to calling me Captain Hawke or Cptn H when quick action was called for. Marmaduke didn’t actually address me as ‘scruffy oik’ he just spoke generally in my direction. Delores hadn’t yet made her mind; I think she was still grieving for Mellors the gamekeeper.
Mellors died in the first game.
Well it would appear that zombies like a bit of lamb, as do I, although I prefer mine cooked, maybe a little bloody in the centre but not raw and on the hoof.
They were having a bit of trouble catching the sheep, but that was ok with us.
We prepare to enter the house. Having survived a few bouts with these flesh eating creatures we are trying to get the greatest advantage possible. Marmaduke on the left has a shotgun, he’s going to break the window and unleash hell into the room.
In the first expedition, The Mad Lord was unlucky (so he says) and Marmaduke’s Gamekeeper Mellors was killed and eaten, losing his rifle and spare ammunition at the same time. Amelia was unarmed in that first outing, well I say unarmed but being a resourceful woman of the best kind she had an old wool sock, which instead of wearing she’d filled with small pebbles and it made a nifty cosh, silent but deadly, especially with the bit of lead pipe she’d found to give it a hard core and a bit more heft.
Anyway, to redeem himself the Mad Lord found a rifle in the 3rd adventure and it was given to Amelia. A lucky event because it transpired that she had been a member of the South London Rifle Club, the only Bisley club which accepted women and Amelia is carrying it for the first time.
At this stage the dog didn’t have a role, it was in reserve.
By the way it’s a she and she’s called Coco. That’s Amelia again, the dog seems to have taken a shine to her, she was found at the same time as they lost the Gamekeeper and because Amelia likes coco before she goes to bed at night the dog was called Coco. Now she cuddles up with the dog and they keep each other warm at night.
I digress, my job was to kick down the door, Delores who was standing immediately behind me together with Amelia would shoot into the open doorway at anything they could see.
Yes….you’re way ahead of me.
Then, I was to step into the room and go hand to teeth with whatever is still standing, in this case 2 zeds.
Well Marmaduke had forgotten to load his gun and it went click when he pulled the trigger, fortunately he has spare cartridges but he’s a slow old stick at the best of times and these ain’t them.
I kicked the door down and stepped into the room and rolled a 2, (high is good) the zombie grinned a malicious grin.
Delores abandoned the plan and climbed through the window firing at the zed, she winged her opponent and it went down writhing but would soon be back on its feet and Amelia fired over my shoulder at the zed at the back. She missed her target deafening me in the process.
Delores ran across the room and kicked the zed in the head, my zombie swung at me and missed and then I stuck my knife in his arm and he fell to the floor.
We are far enough away from the zeds milling outside that they don’t hear us.
Besides they are too busy sheep wrangling.
These zeds had heard the sheep that were outside of the corn field and ran out to find them, one of the sheep had then run into the cornfield and the zeds had followed them back in. It was like a Keystone Cops Film, only not as funny.
Then the sheep ran out again and the zeds followed and it started to get a little tedious.
Zeds continued to spawn!!
Can anyone explain this, I’ve never seen a zombie film and probably never will, so my background knowledge is pretty weak. I asked Dougers and Snappers but the best they could come up with is that it’s a convenient device to rack up the tension and number of zombies without too much trouble. Is there any film logic behind spawn points?
Back in the house it wasn’t going so well, Delores now has Marmaduke helping her kick the zed in the head but it won’t stay still. The one I’m fighting got up and hit me, but it’s only a flesh wound and I just need a count of 6 or 7 and I’ll be back on my feet.
Hopefully the Ref will count slowly.
Amelia let slip the hound of war and Coco has killed a zed. While all this was going on Amelia also abandoned the plan and searched the house finding some extra shotgun cartridges, which she will give to Marmaduke when he has finished getting blood on and then off his Crockett and Jones brogues.
And finally all the zeds are dead….again.
I looked at Amelia quizzically. She shrugged, “it was big bore, long range shooting I excelled at, I never said I was good at close range snapfiring”. “You might have mentioned that outside” I said ruefully pulling the bandage tighter.
Coco 2, Delores 1 Marmaduke and Cptn H 0. Not our best fight but we’re all alive even though I now have 2 wounds in total.
The circle dancing zeds have eaten a sheep and are singing some sort of victory song as more zeds spawn by the spawn point.
Some are still sheep wrangling, but it’s taking them further away from us.
We have a cunning plan and to that end I hobble back towards the bus. Because I can’t run, the general consensus was that I should have the easy task.
The others moved down the back of the house towards the barn, Delores in the lead, Marmaduke is still shuffling along behind the two women. There’s quite a long distance between the cover of the house and barn. It’s only just possible to sneak there quietly but once there they’re going to have to break in and it’ll generate enough noise to attract some if not all of the zeds, and their numbers are mounting swiftly.
This is the final sheep, it’s surrounded and will be zombie chow fairly soon.
It’s nerve wracking stuff trying to avoid detection but I’m almost there.
That’s when I realised that the corn field was still occupied. A rather nice looking blonde is hiding out in it as well. For our plan to succeed I need to move her away, maybe use the old Cptn H charm and ask her to dinner?
As I draw closer I realize that she might be blonde but she’s not so nice looking. It’s also not going to be possible to ask her out in the way I’d planned.
So I kill her.
Direct action isn’t always the best way to go about things and my move attracts a couple of her mates or minders, I don’t wait to ask which. At this point everyone else will be in place and they need me to perform and knocking heads with zeds isn’t the song I need to perform.
As I said the numbers of zombies is increasing all the time, the rest of the team are in place, you can just see Marmaduke hiding behind the blue barrels waiting to give Delores and Amelia the go ahead to break the window in the back of the barn.
I mentioned before that the zombies are as stupid as stupid gets, as I quietly move away from it, a vicious slice through the air misses me by inches but because I’ve gone out of its sight it forgets that I’ve ever existed. I imagine it’s so full of sheep that it’s no longer driven by hunger to eat me.
OK, the big event next!
I step to the edge of the corn field and show myself. It’s a bit of a bum itchy moment because the plan is that, they will all rush my way and I’ll step back quietly into the cornfield and they’ll all forget I’m there.
Well the first part of the plan has worked perfectly!!!!
I hope they’re all stupid as stupid gets and there isn’t one of them with a working brain cell.
But you’ve realised I’m telling the story in the first person and so I survive at least. Turns out they are stupid, even the fast and nasty ones.
‘Now’ shouts Marmaduke and he breaks the window and fires at the nearest zed…..and misses. Delores fires twice and hits one zed, it’s down, Coco jumps in and kills 2 zeds, so far the dog is playing a blinder.
I played a little fast and loose with the rules here, the dog gets 2 actions, they are move or fight but as she only moved 2” out of her 18” move I let her have 2 fights as well.
This leaves 3 zeds still alive/dead, two of them attack Coco which is a mistake on their part because they fail to hit her.
But she doesn’t fail to bite them, 6 followed by a 6 sees both zeds dead. Delores climbs in and attacks the last zed and doesn’t take it down. Amelia searches the barn and finds a survivor as well as the tyre which doesn’t need searching for.
Sister Monica has been hiding behind the stack of tyres and emerges, her habit flying behind her like an avenging angel, one solid wallop with her staff removes the menace of the last zombie and it goes to heaven.
Possibly.
Sir Marmaduke has moved to the garage, his intention is to climb through the window, search the place and get out of Dodge. The last search token is in the cornfield and it’s suicidal to try and get that. Surprisingly the window is open and he doesn’t have to break in. He finds some more ammunition, always welcome.
The three of them are making their way back carefully to the house. The problem now is that all the Zeds are congregated over by the bus and we need another distraction to pull them away.
The rules have a pleasant section that states if you find a survivor they can join you if your team is down to 3 or less, otherwise you shoot them in the leg and they scream and attract zeds, acting as bait as it were. In Vagabond Manor we eschew that sort of coarse behaviour and Sister Monica understands this. However she volunteered to draw the zombies off and if successful it was agreed she would join us and damn the eyes of the rule writer.
Here is Sister Monica exposing herself to the hoard of zombies that had been hanging about wondering where Cptn H had gone. This had a rather dramatic effect and for this selfless act she will get the VC for bravery in action. Maybe posthumously but she’ll be awarded it come what may.
I didn’t measure the distance and unfortunately one of the horde was a nasty zed and it covered more ground than I expected and is in contact. Next turn Sister M can run and out distance it, but it will get a free hit as she turns, or she can slap it with her staff, hoping to kill it and then run, but she can’t outdistance it if she does that and she will still take the free hit.
We don’t give out VC’s for just any old act of heroism, so she hit it, unfortunately it didn’t die but she was too nifty and it missed with it’s free hit. So now we have the 3:30 flat race at Wincanton, out in the lead is the favourite, Sister Monica by a short head from the nasty zombie followed by the rest of the field, many in close contention. The nasty zombie uses both actions running and so can’t attack.
We go through the same process on the next turn, she misses and runs, but this time he strikes and does bite her on it’s free hit but the plucky girl passes her grit test and runs on.
By this time everyone else is getting close to the bus. I’m not generating zeds anymore because I ran out of them a turn or two ago.
Finally Sister M just runs, the zed missed it’s free attack and that’s it. She picks up her dirty habit and flies like the wind, she needs to get out of sight to stop the pursuit, still some way to go before she will turn the corner of the house but it’s getting closer.
Like the thoroughbred filly she so obviously is, she makes it to the corner and the stupid as stupid zombies halt and mill about.
So the VC will not be posthumously awarded, at least not this adventure.
If there’s anyone who thinks that we should have shot Sister Monica in the leg to make her scream and not invite her to join our happy band of brothers……and sisters afterwards, let them hold their tongues because I’m not listening.
Cheers
Zombie RV is an 8 page rule set and apart from shooting figures in the leg or on one dice roll eating a fellow survivors leg I’m really impressed and I’m not easily impressed with rule sets. It does seem to give a specific style of game and I need to play a few more games because it’s not really a style I would chose but I’ll see how it goes because I might be wrong.
Cheers
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